Bride says no to brother-in-law’s demands to treat his personal babysitter like a wedding guest and pay for her meals and room: ‘We’re paying for qualified babysitters. But they want THEIR babysitter’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jun 5, 2026 4:30 PM EDT

A wedding is already a big project with flowers, opinions, and at least one relative acting like the budget is a personal insult. Add a toddler, a preferred babysitter, and a demand list that reads like a VIP hotel package, and suddenly the whole thing starts feeling less like a ceremony and more like a hostage negotiation with a seating chart

The part that gets me is how fast one practical ask turns into a full-scale hospitality expansion. It starts with we want our babysitter, which is fair enough. Then it becomes she needs the same meal as the guests, a room at the venue, and breakfast the next morning, because apparently even the childcare support staff is expected to enjoy the full destination wedding experience. At that point you are no longer hiring someone to watch a child. You are sponsoring a very small, very specific celebrity.

Wedding planning already has enough chaos without someone trying to upgrade the babysitter into a full weekend guest with a meal plan and a room key.

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  • Woman in a white sleeveless top looking serious with her hands clasped under her chin.
    via Polina Kuzovkova

    A model portrays a bride weighing a wedding childcare conflict, looking serious with her hands clasped under her chin.

  • AITA I refuse to pay and host for a baby-sitter at my wedding?

    I want an honest opinion. Am I being delusional or not?
    via AppropriateRaise2714
  • I'll keep this very short. My future husband's brother is insisting on hiring a specific babysitter for their one-and- a-half-year-old son. My
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  • future husband and I are paying for qualified babysitters (we have all their resumes). But they want THEIR babysitter.
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  • They want, and I quote: 'for her to have the same meal as all the other guests, for her to have a room at the venue
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  • Woman in a white sleeveless top looking serious against a plain light background.
    via Polina Kuzovkova

    Illustrative photo for a wedding childcare disagreement, showing a serious woman posed against a plain light background.

  • (even though we're on a tight budget and I AM paying for all my friends who are coming
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  • Weddings have a magical way of making everyone think their preferences are not just preferences but sacred traditions. One side is trying to keep costs under control and make sure the actual invited guests are covered. 

  • from out of town), and for her to have breakfast the next day (which costs a fortune).'
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  • The other side is acting as if their babysitter should be treated like a visiting dignitary because this is what happens when family life gets mixed with wedding logic. Suddenly every simple arrangement has a menu request, a room request, and a next morning brunch request attached to it like an appendage.

  • I'm fed up at this point. My future husband is saying to let it go and accept that, but I won't! Am I in the wrong here? Need honest opinions
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  • Close-up portrait of a serious woman with red hair against a plain light background.
    via Polina Kuzovkova

    A close-up portrait of a model representative of a woman feeling confident about a tense wedding-related babysitting decision.

  • EDIT: First of all, thanks to everyone for your comments! It really reassures me, because at first I thought I was going crazy!
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  • 2 questions I've been asked, and I absolutely need to answer them:
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  • • Is the babysitter his mistress? Well, that made me laugh a lot, because I hadn't even thought of that before!
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  • thought of that before! She's in her 60s, and he's in his late 30s. Then again, I don't know; anything can happen lol! But I really don't think so
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  • • Is my FH 'stupid' (yes, I'm paraphrasing a bit)? My FH is reading the comments, and he agrees with you all. He's even sending a message to his brother right now.
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  • - we'll see how that goes! Oh and btw, I'm not gonna leave my FH just because he's a doormat. I'm a doormat myself. A few people
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  • have told me I should reconsider him, but I don't see why. Just because he doesn't have the guts to stand up to
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  • his older brother? I can understand that. It's not that simple. My fiancé is the kindest, most tolerant, lovable, and wonderful person I've
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  • ever met in my life. Of course I'm not going to dump him for a reason like that! I know Reddit likes to say that (and let's
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  • be honest, I'm the first to say it in some posts), but we still have to consider the impact of what we say. No, I'm going to stay engaged to him, and I'm going to marry him.
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  • Thanks again for your advice, and for some of the comments that really made me laugh so hard! Stay just the way you are, you're amazing!! ❤
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  • EDIT #2: I forgot to mention that English is my second language, so sorry for any mistakes! I wanted to use a translator, but they were so
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  • many responses that I had no time to use it! Thank you again for this (no irony, I'm really thankful)!
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  • So again, I apologize if my English is not good enough! My FH is very good with English, so no worries on this, he gets the comments.
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  • Still-Song-2258 If he wants her there then he needs to pay for all her expenses.
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  • mamaallthetime Jesus. NTA I'd be side eyeing my fiancé hard if he's not standing up for you and supporting you in this.
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  • Seems like a hint that for the rest of your life his family will come first and you're gonna be left begging for a minimum of respect. Think twice.
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  • DareSavings3951 If they want a specific babysitter, they must pay for a specific babysitter.
    via AppropriateRaise2714
  • Next-Drummer-9280 Learn this word: NO. "If you want a specific babysitter, that's fine. You'll be responsible for all of her costs, including a room at the venue. This isn't - and
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  • will never be - part of our budget. Since she will not actually be in attendance at the reception, she will not be getting a meal. You will be responsible for feeding her, as well."
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  • Tell your weenie of a fiancé to get firmly on your side before you start rethinking the whole thing.
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  • Head Razzmatazz7174 NTA. You already paid for a sitter for the kids. The brother can pick up the costs for a private sitter. And if you have already turned in a head count for the food,
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  • he's going to have to come up with a different meal for the sitter.
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  • oldleolady71 You paid for babysitters. You're covered. If they choose to go another way that's on them. They can pay for their choices. She does not become a guest. NTA
    via AppropriateRaise2714

  • And then there is the fiancé, calmly floating in the middle, apparently built entirely out of patience and family diplomacy. He is trying to avoid a war over childcare while the bride is looking at the invoice and realizing that the phrase just let it go is doing a lot of heavy lifting. It is hard enough planning a wedding without also having to fund a premium babysitting package for one branch of the family tree.

    In the end, this is really about the weird little math of weddings. Some people see one toddler and immediately discover a whole ecosystem of special accommodations. Others just see another line item that nobody warned them about. And when the budget is already stretched thin, even the most harmless request can start sounding like an insult in formalwear.

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